2:18 PM - My Father

Today I was thinking about my father. I was thinking about what he might said in my position. As I grow older I'm getting away from the man I used to be. Indeed I made terrible mistakes, horrible choices. I made things that don't make me proud. I can blame the loneliness, the inexperience, I can blame the youth, but that don't explain me at all.
When I was a child I could used the experiences of other people to make my own decisions, but as I grew older the anxious of living produced a change of view. I decided to get wrong on my own terms. Didn't matter if my mother asked me about this sudden change.
Why?
She used to ask me why.
College days were kind of difficult. Always in movement, didn't matter if I was exhausted, in those days. I just felt the need of stay in perpetual movement. I even traveled to Japan trying to find a way, a path. People over there taught me that positions in life are made only by everyones perspective, every single point of view make life possible. The lesson I remember the most was the one a budist monk taught me: "The most important thing to progress in life is not that you found the right answer, it rather be that you find the right question. In that particular moment this little topic made a noise entrance in my head. I only could understand it several years later. A line in the sand is only drawn for pleasure, but you have to keep in mind the repercusions.
I rebelled, I yawn, I ran, only to find that life is just what we make of it. Decisions make you what you are. Nothing more, nothing less. The right question gives you direction, because it marks the things that trouble you. The solution to any dilema its given by the decisions you make through your journey. And every journey is precious.
All this thinking about my father is because he died long ago, when he was only 23.
What would he say if only he could see what I'd become?
He would be proud or deceived about me?
I can not tell for sure.

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